Summer is a great time when a child can become more independent. And anxiety time for parents: how and what freedom to give their children? Expert advice and test to learn how to let them go with a light heart.
“It was worth a huge effort to agree to the request of the 13-year-old daughter to let her go to the summer camp,” recalls 38-year-old Elena. – I was afraid that there they would offend her, that the tick would bite her, that she would drown in the lake. The first days after her departure, I, under various pretexts, called her almost every hour, until once in response I heard the request “not to pull her on trifles, because everyone is already laughing at her”.
Of course, Elena is not lonely: many parents who first release the child – on a water slide on the beach, on a disco, visiting the dacha with an overnight stay, ride a pony or flying a paraglider – covers fear at the thought of. yes almost anything!
Natural feeling
“Our anxiety is natural, and it protects children to the extent that it warns them about the dangers,” said Daria Krymova, psychotherapist Daria Krymova. – Feeling the alarm of their parents, they develop their survival strategy and, perhaps, will really not stick out of the window or put a finger into a socket ”.
No matter how many a child is years old, only the subject of our anxiety changes, but not his nature. However, even here is a sense of proportion. “Breating for every reason, exaggerating the dangers, we project our own fears and failures on children,” Psychologist Galina Burmenskaya believes age -based psychologist. – Such parental selfishness infringes on the natural needs of children, primarily in independence.
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“. Inadequate prohibitions inhibit the development of the child and, as a result, do not help him, but prevent him from learning how to independently master the surrounding world.
The time of experiments
During the holidays, the conditions and rhythm of the daily life of the family change. Children have a lot of free time, they are ready to disappear for hours on the street. Those who are older dream of discos, campaigns or a trip to the camp. At the same time, the holidays are the time that parents always have their hopes for, sometimes idealizing it, hoping with the children to do everything that they did not have time in a year: go to the cinema, read the postponed book. and get the love and gratitude of the child in response, with whom it was not so often able to feel a real, desired intimacy!
It seems that now intensive communication will help not only to catch up, but also compensates for guilt that dad and mother were not “good enough” parents. “But the feeling of guilt will disorient us,” warns Daria Krymova, “interfering with understanding what the child really needs and what he expects from his parents.”. Therefore, it is worth being prepared for the fact that the vacation expectations of children and adults may not coincide, and not make an occasion for resentment and conflicts from this.
“It is better to organize holidays so that children have the opportunity to do what is not in the academic year,” advises Galina Burmenskaya. -not necessarily something exotic. Someone, for example, will be glad and proud if he is trusted to redo something in his room … Listen to the initiatives of the child! Clearly designate the “field of action” and then do not interfere in the details “.
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